One month postpartum! A serious milestone that so many mamas are familiar with. These first few weeks after birth are filled with a whirlwind of changes with our bodies, hormones and lives in general! And as we fight through those weeks to find any sense of normalcy we emerge on the other side of those first steps of our postpartum journey forever changed.
It’s been quite a while since I posted on my little corner of the internet. Last time I published a blog post I was heavily pregnant and completely over it. But fast forward a few weeks and I’m now a mommy of two and slowly but surely recovering from a less than ideal labor and delivery. (Future post on my labor and delivery to come). These past five weeks of recovery have been full of so many highs and lows, and I’m ready to get into them all!
But first things first, let’s meet my princess; Myka Eliana.
To say that I’m obsessed is an understatement. She is the perfect addition to our little family and we all grow to love her more each day! It’s definitely a joy to watch my baby boy ease into the role of big brother as well. My heart has been so full!
But unfortunately, not every step of this journey has been ideal. And we’ll get into all the details, week by week.
Week One: “One Big Blur”I’m sure I’m not alone when I say that the first week postpartum is typically a complete blur! I spent the first two days postpartum in the hospital and the time spent there was filled with tons of tests, paperwork and little to no sleep. By the time Myka and I were discharged from the hospital I was a total zombie, complete with incoherent grumbling and all. This inevitably set the tone for the rest of the week because as I’m sure you’re aware Newborns Don’t Sleep! (Okay so they do sleep but they wake every two hours to eat or if you’re really lucky like me , they feed on demand throughout the night.)
I’m sure for the first week I had no idea what day it was and even my introduction back to my beloved caffeine could hardly help keep me afloat. Combine together a high energy toddler, fussy newborn and exhausted parents and you’ve got a recipe for chaos! But we pushed through. (Definitely ordered our everyday that week though.)
Week 2: “So Many Feels”
I feel like the first week postpartum I was running on adrenaline. Somehow I was still functioning even though I was only getting like 3 hours of sleep a night. But that second week? Oh baby, everything came crashing down on me like a ton of bricks.
For one thing, I was so sore! Like everywhere! My hips, my core and yes my lady parts! Everything hurt! It hurt to sit and when you are solely breastfeeding you are spending like 90% of your time sitting. It hurt to walk. It hurt to sit up. Everything was a struggle.
The other issue was that I was so emotional! I cried almost non stop. Seeing my babies together made me cry, feeling like I was neglecting my son while caring for my daughter made me cry and just feeling overwhelmed with my new life as a mother of two made me cry! My hubby was so supportive through this time but with my history of anxiety I felt like it was best that I reach out to a counselor. I talk to her once a week and it helps so much to speak to a professional that is not only a mom herself but works with so many other postpartum moms and can tell me that I’m not crazy and that I’m not alone.
Week 3: “Wait, Is That My Body?!”
My third week postpartum was rough! As my soreness began to subside and I started working on sorting out my emotions with therapy I became painfully aware that I was not a member of The SnapBack Crew. Oh no, not even close. You see, at three weeks postpartum I still looked at least 5 months pregnant. My waistline was wide, my skin was stretched and the work that I’d have to do to get back in shape weighed so heavily on me that I could scream.
It was a shot to my self esteem that at 3 weeks postpartum I was still wearing my maternity clothes and although the scale showed that I had already lost 30 pounds since having Myka, I couldn’t help think about how much better I’d feel if I could lose that last 10 pounds. I scrolled through Instagram trying to find women who hadn’t been blessed with a snap back like myself but most of what I could find were toned bellies and ads for diet drinks which did nothing to improve my outlook on myself. But I made a decision that although I didn’t have a SnapBack I could have a Comeback and work on being the best version of myself. (But the pressure to look good is definitely still there.)
Week 4: “Getting My Stride”
My fourth week postpartum was when I really felt like I was getting my stride. Not that I magically loved my fupa or didn’t have my sudden moments of anxiety or sadness. But my fourth week postpartum was when I finally started to accept the new season of life that I was in for what it was. No, I wasn’t excited about my new shape but instead of sulking about how I didn’t fit in my pre pregnancy clothes, I ordered some new ones that flattered me. I’d be lying if I told you that thoughts of mom guilt never enter my mind when my little boy walks away disappointed that my attention is again taken away to tend to my newborn daughter. But I just keep reminding myself that he knows I love him and I’m doing my best.
This first month postpartum has knocked me down and at the same time helped me find new strength as I fought to get back up. A month ago I had no idea how stressful, painful, beautiful or fulfilling this new season of motherhood would be but here I am. Always “Winging It” but learning as I go. And I’m so excited to write about all my new adventures as a mother of two crazy kids.